The last spiritual hurdle right before complete acceptance (and submission) is called avoidance. Avoidance is tricky because the world is now full of fun and easy distractions that tempt the creative mind. One of the many avoidance skills I practiced was collecting CVS Extrabucks.
Somehow, I decided that if I was doing something useful for the family like saving money, it was okay to delay writing my book. Turns out getting stuff for “free” was as additive and tragic as crack cocaine. Yep, it was great.
However, it was not what I knew I needed to be doing. The irony is that the more money I saved family, the more I regressed spiritually until the book was “back-burnered” completely. As with any addictive practice, there were payoffs, but eventually the price tag was too high, and I had to address the issue that underpinned the avoidance.
So, the work of my life is a promise to you that you are to know everything you wish to know. And now, you are going to realize why I have been avoiding finishing my work for 15 years. [pullquote align=”left” cite=”” link=”” color=”” class=”” size=””]It turns out that I drew the universal booby prize in terms of vocations. [/pullquote]
It turns out that I drew the universal booby prize in terms of vocations. Yes, I get to share an amazing message, but the reality of that message is that, if I’m designed to know everything I wish to know, then if I don’t know, then, well, hmmm…it’s all my fault. Yes it is. It’s your fault you don’t know.
However. Stepping out of this incredible moment and looking at it from afar, I want to tell you how beautiful this is, too. This means you are likely a much wiser person than you think. You turned off the wisdom to survive. You became a “yes” man to survive. This is what you perceived you needed to do. Yet, if you’re reading this, you’re ready to hear it again.
When I was six, I had a dream that I saw all the answers to every math problem in the universe—in one brief dream. It was real and I knew it was correct. I would subsequently tell everyone who would listen about this dream, and their response was much like yours now. Hmmm.
I think it actually concerned my parents, which is why I shut it down and quit talking about it. The problem with this choice was that it wasn’t just about math. Your authentic natural voice is a universal GPS in your head. It tells you everything you need to know about—well, everything. You can’t even comprehend how magnificent this is until you turn the switch back to “on.”
I shut off my wisdom because it concerned very powerful people in my life. It seemed unwelcome. So for me, it was not trauma that shut this down; it was I can’t know this stuff with these people. This is the birthplace of pain and powerlessness in all of us. We won’t ever feel completely normal(and powerful) again until we choose to look at these corrupted ideas of childhood and learn how to restore our mind-body state.
When we shut a piece of ourselves off to have a relationship with someone it forms a deep, sacred, “okay let’s never go there again” thing, called codependence. I define codependence in relationships as “if you’re ____, then I’m _____.” And that’s how it feels, too. As children, we learned this from our parents, teachers, almost everyone in our paths. If they are not okay, I’m probably not, either. The ideas and posture of parents, siblings and teachers profoundly influenced our ability to stay conscious.
Now the conundrum emerges—and why we choose to stay stuck. Pain, for all of us, originates from ideas involving others! We shut down pieces of ourselves to be okay with others or make them okay with us.
Most of my life I was searching for my thing, my purpose, which didn’ t come from going anywhere or doing anything. Your wisdom comes from the process of allowing yourself to know again. AND once we know, we can’t un-know. You can’t un-see it. YET, if you have codependence with your family and friends, you will not want to do your thing, and know you must do it anyway.[pullquote align=”right” cite=”” link=”” color=”” class=”” size=””]I know what to do + I can’t do it=I feel bad. [/pullquote]
This is the nature of all pain. If we do this long enough, we even forget this is the problem. We just hate and suffer and try to stay safe.
So the idea of separateness begins the journey to unity with the universe. I am completely responsible for only me. All power, abundance, wisdom and knowledge comes from me. This is a big beautiful thought.
Consider this: if the universe made you “fix” your parents and friends before you could be happy and abundant, that would be the most hopeless thought of all. We don’t need to wait on anyone or anything to be okay.
This is the practice that will release the stifling codependence you have in your relationships, that paradoxically allows for profound connection:
I am/can be okay, when you are not (or in some cases, the reverse). I can care for people without always parroting and agreeing with their state of being and ideas. I am not responsible for cheering people up when they are sad, nor agreeing with their ideas about their life. I release their state of being to them, and I exist as a support being for them. I am allowed to ask for the same support in my relationships.
I hope this hippie mantra will get into your head today and help you get out of your “Extrabucks mode”(although I will always love Extrabucks and CVS, just not as obsessively)!
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